Advice From the Duchess I


I’ve been dabbling a bit on an adult site, and since a lot of my readership do the same, I feel compelled to offer a bit of advice on some etiquette that you may consider following. (Purely biased, and lord knows my own personality is tainting all of this).

Generally:

Don’t assume that you’re going to login, find someone interesting, and be naked together within hours. It’s just not safe, and not realistic. Even on sites that are devoted to finding sex, you should expect that people do need to be cautious, and will want to talk to you for a little bit before just diving in. This may take days or weeks.

Chat Rooms:

  • Don’t be needy. This can cover a range of behaviours of course, but I want to cite a specific example that’s a no-no. If you don’t know something, and ask for some general advice on something – OK, that’s fine. But don’t ask people to do ALL the work. E.g. “where are the sex clubs in a specific city?” A little bit lazy, as this could be googled – but people may be nice and offer up some suggestions. But do NOT ask them to start phoning around for you to confirm that the place offers this or that, or is still open. The chat room is not a bunch of PA’s, just waiting to do your bidding.
  • If you ask someone if they are into this or that (because you ARE this or that) don’t get all pissy when they say no. You asked because you didn’t know. There was a 50/50 shot that the answer wouldn’t be what you wanted to hear. No need to get insulting about their personal proclivities.
  • If a person is trying to politely steer you away from a line of questioning in an open chat room TAKE THE HINT. It may not be appropriate to discuss it there. Or they may simply not want to talk about it at all. Don’t keep pushing. It’s rude. And potentially harassment.

Profiles:

  • Men- do you really have to post cock shots? Seriously? They all pretty much look the same. I’ve yet to ever speak with another woman who’s been all impressed with a cock shot. (Same thing goes for emailing women that same photo. Honey, if you MUST send it, include a face and/or torso shot too so we can put it into some perspective).
  • USE YOUR WORDS. The following: “i’m a hot guy who wants to fuck a hot chick. interested?” does not an arousing profile make. I have absolutely NO interest in either approaching you, or doing anything other than deleting any poorly written message that you choose to send me.

Correspondence:

  • Send me a fantasy of all the things you’d like to do to me. Great. But don’t send that without anything else. Ask a question or something at the end, and not just “sound good?”
  • Don’t send a partial fantasy and then demand that I finish it. That will just annoy me that you’ve given me a homework assignment. Where do you get off ordering me around?
  • Don’t send multiple messages in a day. If I want to respond, I will do so. We don’t know each other. And maybe we’ve corresponded some – so that means I’m a little interested. But don’t be demanding my time yo. It’s valuable: to me. YOU have no ownership of it.

Here are some things I would absolutely LOVE you to do:

  • Tell me what about my profile interested you, and why. And maybe it’s a sex site – but don’t assume that everyone is on the same page – you have to probe a bit.

  • Do have an idea of what a realistic plan is to eventually meet someone. If I respond with “what did you have in mind??” say something other than “whatever you want.” That? Is not really helpful. You might think it sounds laid back and accommodating – but in actuality, it can just come off as lazy.

  • In chat – I like it when people tell me I’m funny and that turns them on. Yes, I have a great pair of legs – but that’s just a bit of the package. So pay attention to a person’s WORDS and find something about them to connect to on another level.

And that, my darlings is the conclusion of my lecture.
Not one of my ultra-edited posts, but one of the occasional writings that is actually in the Duchess’s own voice. Follow those steps above, and you’ll be well on your way to getting me into bed.

The Lifestyle…

So I’ve discovered a new adult site, and the people running it were absolutely delighted to find that I was willing to talk to all you sexy darlings about it.

The Lifestyle Lounge is another site available to meet people for a specific purpose. And no, it isn’t for a white picket fence and dreamy talks about “us.” The catchphrase for the site is: The place to explore the erotic side of your life. And if you’re interested – there’s a sexy-voiced little minx who can tell you all about what the site has to offer.

And surprisingly, I have to say – there’s a lot there. This isn’t simply a dull little site that lets you post a profile and maybe hosts a chat. There are blogs, welcomes, notices about whose birthday it is today (OK, I found that one a bit amusing…), merchandise, events etc etc.

The main focus of the site appears to be for couples looking to get involved with other couples, or singles – but there is an opportunity for singles to hook up with other singles too. You can tell that the site is growing, so I can imagine in a few months the place will be even more hopping with people.

It’s pretty diverse too. Are you in Minneapolis or St. Paul? (I’ve noticed some readers from that area) Chicago? (where Ronjazz is setting up a blogger meet – we could post that event on this site) The site covers all those cities, and even my little town in Canada has representation.

Registering was pretty painless, and I discovered that posting up photos resulted in a free membership for a month. Otherwise the prices range from approximately $25.00 for one month to $190.00 for a year. Not bad if you’re seriously looking at hooking up with some like-minded people. At least you get the free trial to decide if it’s worth your while…

I signed up for one day and already got some messages, so it seems like a pretty friendly place considering the fact that I’ve done absolutely nothing to get attention.

So far my favourite aspect of the site is that it automatically sorts all your searches geographically. So you just pick a category and it will immediately list those people beginning with your own city, then outwards in increasing kilometers (miles for you Americans…).

I’m looking forward to exploring the site a bit more – and let you know any amusing stories once I actually get into the culture. Should be a naughty, fun time…

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