So I’ve been courted on a few different fronts of late.

You’ve heard about “The Couple” – that seems to have slowed down a bit. I think my reluctance to jump in with both feet has caused a bit of a cooling off period. While I am fairly certain that I could heat things up again with a bit of effort, I need to take the time to consider whether I really want to do so.

Then there’s Ike- someone who could charm his way into my pants without breaking a sweat.
A charming lad who says all the right things and has managed, without even trying, to get me hot and wet with simply a few lines of facebook chat. I confess, it’s my own insecurities that make me wonder whether he’s simply trying to “collect” me as one of the women in his list, and doesn’t actually intend to follow through with any of it. Apparently though, we’re meeting this weekend.

And finally there’s Hamlet. Sweet, kind, with nary a sexual innuendo in his messages. We’ve been messaging for months now, and have finally settled on a very casual meeting date in two weeks. I don’t know whether to be relieved, or concerned that my charms are so easily put off.

The blatant differences between the three men are actually laughable. I kind of feel like I have some sort of dissociative disorder being attracted to such a bizarre range of personalities.

It got me considering the possibility of keeping them all, and what separate compartments I would place them into.

The Couple I suppose would fit into “the lover” category. Straight sex, flirting and seduction. And while I have no doubt that they are an intelligent, interesting couple who would be worth spending time with outside of the bedroom…I can’t envision us becoming bff’s.

Hamlet? “The boyfriend.” I’ve attempted to insert some subtly risqué comments into our communications, but he chose to not run with it. Perhaps speaking of Beltane rituals was outside of his comfort zone? However, I absolutely adore talking to him, and am positively panting to see if there’s anything there that’s a bit less cerebral and more physical…

And Ike? I suppose he would fit into the “friends with benefits” category. The alarming rate that he “friends” seductively posed women on facebook implies to me that he perhaps isn’t looking for something exclusive with me. However, he’s funny and delightful – so I can see us having a hot romp, then giggling and watching movies every once in a while.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life could in fact contain people in all these categories without the addition of feelings and other such complications? I don’t know how some of you manage to balance it all. I have absolutely no doubt that a life containing all these people would make me blissfully happy for about 5 minutes, then would blow up (messily) all over me.

I think that’s why the goddess invented fantasies.

Advice From the Duchess I

I’ve been dabbling a bit on an adult site, and since a lot of my readership do the same, I feel compelled to offer a bit of advice on some etiquette that you may consider following. (Purely biased, and lord knows my own personality is tainting all of this).


Don’t assume that you’re going to login, find someone interesting, and be naked together within hours. It’s just not safe, and not realistic. Even on sites that are devoted to finding sex, you should expect that people do need to be cautious, and will want to talk to you for a little bit before just diving in. This may take days or weeks.

Chat Rooms:

  • Don’t be needy. This can cover a range of behaviours of course, but I want to cite a specific example that’s a no-no. If you don’t know something, and ask for some general advice on something – OK, that’s fine. But don’t ask people to do ALL the work. E.g. “where are the sex clubs in a specific city?” A little bit lazy, as this could be googled – but people may be nice and offer up some suggestions. But do NOT ask them to start phoning around for you to confirm that the place offers this or that, or is still open. The chat room is not a bunch of PA’s, just waiting to do your bidding.
  • If you ask someone if they are into this or that (because you ARE this or that) don’t get all pissy when they say no. You asked because you didn’t know. There was a 50/50 shot that the answer wouldn’t be what you wanted to hear. No need to get insulting about their personal proclivities.
  • If a person is trying to politely steer you away from a line of questioning in an open chat room TAKE THE HINT. It may not be appropriate to discuss it there. Or they may simply not want to talk about it at all. Don’t keep pushing. It’s rude. And potentially harassment.


  • Men- do you really have to post cock shots? Seriously? They all pretty much look the same. I’ve yet to ever speak with another woman who’s been all impressed with a cock shot. (Same thing goes for emailing women that same photo. Honey, if you MUST send it, include a face and/or torso shot too so we can put it into some perspective).
  • USE YOUR WORDS. The following: “i’m a hot guy who wants to fuck a hot chick. interested?” does not an arousing profile make. I have absolutely NO interest in either approaching you, or doing anything other than deleting any poorly written message that you choose to send me.


  • Send me a fantasy of all the things you’d like to do to me. Great. But don’t send that without anything else. Ask a question or something at the end, and not just “sound good?”
  • Don’t send a partial fantasy and then demand that I finish it. That will just annoy me that you’ve given me a homework assignment. Where do you get off ordering me around?
  • Don’t send multiple messages in a day. If I want to respond, I will do so. We don’t know each other. And maybe we’ve corresponded some – so that means I’m a little interested. But don’t be demanding my time yo. It’s valuable: to me. YOU have no ownership of it.

Here are some things I would absolutely LOVE you to do:

  • Tell me what about my profile interested you, and why. And maybe it’s a sex site – but don’t assume that everyone is on the same page – you have to probe a bit.

  • Do have an idea of what a realistic plan is to eventually meet someone. If I respond with “what did you have in mind??” say something other than “whatever you want.” That? Is not really helpful. You might think it sounds laid back and accommodating – but in actuality, it can just come off as lazy.

  • In chat – I like it when people tell me I’m funny and that turns them on. Yes, I have a great pair of legs – but that’s just a bit of the package. So pay attention to a person’s WORDS and find something about them to connect to on another level.

And that, my darlings is the conclusion of my lecture.
Not one of my ultra-edited posts, but one of the occasional writings that is actually in the Duchess’s own voice. Follow those steps above, and you’ll be well on your way to getting me into bed.

Not Too Sweet

We hadn’t met, but oh how I wanted to. His profile was the perfect mix of proper grammar, playfulness and sensuality. I didn’t even mind that his profile photo was a shot of his penis. It looked good- large, but not obscene, erect but not covered in semen. It invited sucking- I felt it deserved some of my attention.

We emailed a few times. He was appropriately flattering of my own profile and begged for more photos. He wanted to know more about mu likes, dislikes, and most importantly; my limits.

He was open to the idea of threesomes and group sex and wanted to know if I felt the same. I am honestly more intimidated by the idea of a threesome than a group. The larger the number of participants the more fun, and less intense it seems. Less opportunity to be judged negatively. My own insecurities seeped through with this response, but he was pleased that I was at least open to the idea of both.

We were to meet a few days later- just the two of us. He was all I could think about while I waited for the day to approach. Something about this man touched me- in the most intimate and primal of places.

We were to meet in a lounge and I agonized over what to wear. One can only be so risqué in public, but I definitely wanted to arouse him visually. I settled on a black halter dress, stockings and obscene come-fuck-me boots. The neckline plunged invitingly and the dress hugged all my curves. And the boots? After a moment of indecision, I opted for the red rather than the black, with lipstick to match. Why not go for completely over-the-top?

This meeting was just to get to know each other. The idea of sex was still a few rendezvous off.
Since I’m a control freak, I arrived early and chose a seat where I could see him enter.

He looked exactly like his photo, so that was a relief. I could never understand why people would lie or send old pictures. What could possibly be the result other than anger and disillusionment? It’s like a betrayal- you’ve invested your time and potential trust in this person, only to find they’ve been abusing it. Then they think you’re shallow and son’t understand that it’s about the lie- not about aesthetics.

This wasn’t an issue with him though. He was just as delicious in reality as he was on screen. Clean-cut with just enough scruffiness to be fun. He looked…professional. Trustworthy. Competent. Sweet.

But not too sweet I hope…

To be continued

Vignettes V

– So Bunny Ears and I seem to have petered off. We’ve had a few texts here and there, and mentioned getting together over the holidays, but it never happened. He’s a bit too much hassle anyways, I mean I’ve had less difficulty scheduling appointments with local dignitaries than getting together with him. I’m choosing to not let it affect my ego.

– My brother mentioned to me a few of his difficulties with his girlfriend the other day. I could cheerfully have gone my whole life without knowing how conservative he is sexually, and knowing what she was trying to initiate with him. Awkward.

– I took down my profile from one site the other day. I was a bit put off by some of the messages I was getting. However I forgot that I had a profile on another site, and suddenly I seem to be getting a lot of attention over there. It’s a whole different crowd at the other site, so maybe I’ll hang there for a while.

– I haven’t met Link yet, it seems like he has joint custody of his children, so getting together with him is quite legitimately challenging. He’s quite sweet, so I’m content to be patient.

– I did get a couple of emails re: my post below- I would love to see some more!

I’ve Never Sent Photos of My Lady Bits…

So these are some photos that I’ve been sent by random men on the internet.
I have to say – they neither impress me, nor turn me on.

I’m not making any criticism about their bits and pieces, I just have to say that these photos are not going to be either deal makers or breakers.

I mean what do these photos really tell me?
That they’re not shy?
That they have adequate photography skills?

Do they tell me whether or not these men will make me writhe and moan in the bedroom/couch/ car/kitchen table?
Do they tell me whether or not I’ll get wet just thinking about them?
Do they tell me whether they’ll slam me up against a wall, bite my nipples, pull my hair and lick my clit until I’m quivering?

Really, if they wanted to impress me- they would have included a few lines with it, telling me exactly what it is they would like to do to me with their cocks, hands and tongues…

Now that I’m over my potential pregnancy panic, I would really love to be fucked…like right now…

The Duchess’s Journey to Self-Awareness…

Ambivalence: uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.

I feel like I have two different creatures inside of me, hence the need for two different blogs.
The other blog? So sweet and sometimes sad and for the most part untouched?
And this one? Part of this compartmentalized section of my mind. Devoted completely to sensuality and lust.

It’s like I can turn a switch off and on in my head. If a man were to proposition me, and I were in the other mindset, I would be shy and uncertain and possibly offended. I don’t know what to do with men in any way shape or form. I don’t know what they want or what their actions mean.

And if I’m in the Duchess mindset? Well, to be honest, I don’t feel like I have any more of a clue about men than the other me does, but at least that man stands a chance of getting laid.

Now the other me doesn’t have any different sexual desires. I’m not suffering for some sort of dissociative break-down here. But the way I express it? The way I demand it? Well, there’s where the difference lay.

The other me? Is disappointed that men only seem to want one thing from her. Is confused as to why sex seems so easy to come by, but a relationship is so difficult. She’s confused as to why she’s getting dozens of messages on the “intimate” section of the site, and none in the “dating” section. The Duchess? Doesn’t care. The Duchess loves the fact that she could be having sex with a different man every night. She loves the fact that men commend her on her forthrightness and “shaggability.” (the site’s word which makes me laugh each time I see it).

I’m aware that I’m new to this whole experience, and that a degree of uncertainty and defining myself is to be expected, but it’s been a bizarre ride. Simply the fact that this blog gets more hits in a little over a month than my other blog, which is approaching it’s two year birthday is amazing to me.

Sexuality. It’s something that on a very primal level we can all relate to. We’ve either all experienced it in various forms, or we sure as hell want to. I feel that I’ve been a rollercoaster of re-definition in the past month and a half. Confusing, exciting, and scary all at once…

Vignettes IV

I got the sweetest message from one of my potential suitors tonight. He said it was cool that I wasn’t interested in him (to be honest, I can barely keep up with them all – I don’t know if I was ever interested or not) but that I should write erotica. Nice to know that some of them on there have some class. Makes me think that I should give that guy a chance if he’s going to be such a sweetheart about it.

I’m still trying to sort out the Administrative details of all this. Take Bunny Ears for example. I saw him Friday night. Does it equate to needy if I get all texty and tell him I would love to see him again? Is there some sort of 3 day rule with this kind of thing? Cause yeah, it’s been 5 days…I would really love to see him…

For the girls: do you find it to be just a wee bit of a pain in the ass how much grooming you have to do in preparation? Men: what do you do to prep for us?

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I find it hilarious how sexualized everything has become now. Glimpses of photos in the paper immediately look dirty until I examine them more closely and see how innocuous they really are. I get turned on and wet bu just a stray thought now. Sexuality really is a muscle..and the more you work it…

I was asked in my last post where Bunny Ears got his nickname. It came as a result of one of the photos he sent me.

73 year old man sent me another message. Ack! No! I don’t want to be rude, but just…no!

One of my email suitors from this blog sent me a photo. He’s quite adorable- unfortunately, he lives in another country. Yes it’s the country next door and all- but still…M- offer to fly me down and I’ll consider it!