Random Anecdotes From My 20’s…

I dated a guy once who did all the things that I viewed as cliché, and I think he viewed as the culmination of all of his teenaged sexual and romantic fantasies.

He did the whole bed of rose petals thing.
In my mind? A waste of a flower that’s so expensive, you should be admiring it in a vase, not crushing them in a fit of passion. ( I love flowers, I think they should be cherished).

We showered together.
Which was a bit more fun than I expected, I have to admit that- but still. At the time he suggested it, I really felt like I was indulging him.

We started getting busy in the living room, and he ran off to get a condom and stepped on his glasses and broke them. He barely spared them a second glance in his race to get to get back to “the sex.”
In the grand scheme of things, what could you do? They were broken and it was late at night, so really they had to wait. But he certainly didn’t take the time to process the whole thing and come to that conclusion. He just ignored it. Meh. They weren’t my glasses.

When I was in my bar-going years I met (to use the term loosely) a guy we’ll call Taurus. He kept trying to talk to me all night and I couldn’t figure out why this strange man kept yipping at me. No one in the group had introduced him to me, who was he friends with? Oh. Just a random guy trying to pick me up. Note to the players out there, some girls are just so clueless about men, you might have to change your game a bit.

Anyhow, the next day he hooked up with a friend and he became her turf (in my mind anyhow). Apparently not in his mind. Cause he walked me back to my car and kept trying to kiss me. Which I kept dodging like a moron. Now in his defense, while I kept claiming that he was “off limits” my friend had left him at the bar with me to go off with another guy that she had already been seeing. So a commitment it wasn’t. But the fact remains, she had told me earlier not to flirt with him, so it was hands off. (Besides he was pushy, and I had no interest).

Another time I was at the bar (with that same friend) when I noticed the boy that I had been crushing on in Intro Psych class sitting at a table with someone I knew!! This was the most amazingly phenomenal thing ever. So I whispered over to my friend that I wanted him to introduce us.
“Really?” he asked, looking very surprised. “Well duh” was my witty response – not in the least able to sort out why I wouldn’t want to meet this beautiful Greek God of a boy. So I sit down at an empty seat, and my friend proceeds to introduce me to…another guy. The not a fraction as dreamy one sitting next to the Greek God.

Not-so-dreamy seemed quite pleased to be introduced to me. Until I broke his little heart by saying that I actually had wanted to meet his friend.

Then I looked over and noticed that my girlfriend had come over to see what I was doing. And suddenly she was kissing a different guy at the table. Long story short, me, her, kissing guy and some completely other guy all ended up crashing at her place.

Her and kissing guy ended up getting busy in one room, while I ended up in the rec room with Austin. And you know what? Even though I was totally at my thinnest and most adorable stage? All we did was talk. He did rub my back and his hands strayed the slightest bit, but on the whole? Nothing. Bloody hell. Why was I too shy to take the hint? Idiot girl.

And the worst part of the story? Even though we totally ended up hanging out with that group of guys for a year or so, I never did manage to ever meet or exchange words with Greek god boy. It’s actually quite ridiculous.

It was all so innocent. Kissing was still exciting (well it still is, but not quite in the same way). Sex was still a big deal. And the boys? (cause really that’s what they were) They had no clue what they were doing. Now that I think about it. I could do without that part. I do enjoy being with men who know what to do with their hands now….