He was like something from another era. Or perhaps like what erotic writers describe as the perfect, yet succulently sexy romantic protagonist.

He subtly maneuvers you in front of him and opens doors for you. So unconsciously that you scarcely notice it until you realize that rarely do you encounter a man in this day and age who genuinely treats a woman with gentleman-like respect. Not put on or for show, but like he was simply raised really well.

Such behaviour could seem weak in a different kind of man. Like a mama’s boy, or submissive. But not on him. He is sensuously diffident, yet composed. Intelligent and polite, yet exuding eroticism from every pore.

In an environment that allows one to quickly degrade to jeans and sneakers, he wears a shirt and tie. Thank God for that, because anything else would disguise that body. A body that begs to be unwrapped like a treasure.

And I really wanted to unwrap him. Any day that allows even a few moments in his presence is a good one. A day of delicious fantasy and warm wet thoughts caressing me like a physical touch.

Have you ever encountered a man who appears completely open and guileless? Almost innocent, and untouched by the usual baggage and hang-ups that most of us carry? Yet at the same time completely unselfconsciously seductive? One who gives off a sexual vibe in a raw untainted way?

One whom I suspect enjoys sex purely – who relishes in the activity for itself and is neither shy nor seeing the need for the insecurities that so many of us possess.

I could scarcely imagine how liberating sex with him would be. To be approached by someone with no hesitation or guilt about the act.

To feel his eyes on me, truly adoring and appreciating each curve, and noticing each subtle response. To have him grab my body and crush it to his – savouring each taste and breath.

It’s rare to be with a man with genuine confidence and enjoyment in sex. Too often ego and selfishness get in the way. Or even worse, just plain lack of observation of their partner, nor any sense of rhythm.

Do men realize what kind of sexual aura they exude in the most innocuous of moments? The way they sit, or speak or how they respond in a meeting? A million little involuntary clues that reflect to a woman their most intimate behaviours.

Of course the possibility exists that I might be reading this man completely wrong. But I don’t care. I want him. And the thought of him makes me hotter than most men ever have even whilst in the throes of passion.


“What would you like to do to me?”

I crawled into his lap and gazed up at him with wide innocent eyes.

He stared at me in silence, looking torn between fleeing and devouring me.

We had flirted and teased for a while, being subtle enough to keep our egos protected, while still leaving open the opportunity for the other to respond.

I finally got him back to my place and onto the couch. But he did nothing. The feeling between us was palpable – the desire and heat. There was no doubt what we both wanted, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Again, the question had left open a range of responses – but the only thing I wanted to hear was some variation of his desire to tear off my clothes and violate me in a dozen different ways.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and began nuzzling his earlobe – gently licking and giving it a brief bite. I could feel his breathing speed up and his hand tighten on my thigh.

I sensed his torment as he struggled with propriety and his growing passion. With a sigh of impatience, I put my tongue in his mouth and pulled him on top of me. I could feel his erection as he ground himself against me and knew that I had silenced his internal debate.

Once he made the decision to continue, he no longer showed any signs of hesitation. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once – squeezing my breasts, pulling my shirt out from my jeans…

A moment like this is indescribable, coupled with a touch of surreality. To have wanted and fantasized about this experience so often and so vividly, adds a dream-like quality to each touch and sound.

For a moment there was doubt that the reality could compare to the countless climaxes created by the fantasy. But as the heat and wetness continued to build I knew that such a comparison was not only unnecessary, but also ridiculous. For in none of my most wanton daydreams did I capture the essence of what this man could do to me.

My imaginings were merely a tantalizing taste of the ambrosia that was being offered before me.

He continued to caress my skin and began to slowly undress me. Agonizing how he drew out each moment- not merely to savour it, but also to torture me with his seeming patience in the face of my eagerness.

He lingered over each curve and crevice on my body – licking and blowing soft kisses and tracing every line. It might have been a romantic scene if I had not, by way of contrast, begun quickly tearing off his clothing with no regard for damage to the fabric or care for where each hastily flung article landed.

Perhaps it was best that I hadn’t lit candles to set the “mood.”

What may have begun as soft-core erotica was quickly degenerating into a comedy. However he soon took the hint and appeared to acquiesce to my silent plea to pick up the pace a bit.

With my legs wrapped around his waist, he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. He dropped me semi-gracefully onto the bed, pulled my legs over the edge and knelt down between them.

That was more like it.

He immediately realized that this was an unnecessary move foreplay-wise, as I was more than wet and ready. So he spent merely a few moments licking and sucking on my clit – thrusting his tongue in and out before he had me writhing on the bed like a cat.

But we knew what we both wanted. So he climbed onto the bed and scarcely had time to find a pillow before I pounced on him.

I had spent months mentally exploring and pleasing every inch of his glorious body – claiming it as my own to use as I wished. I wasn’t allowing him any opportunity to hesitate, or God forbid, change his mind now.

I climbed atop him and started riding him like my life depended on it. Up. Down. In. Out. Hard. Fast. I saw his eyes roll back in his head and his fingers grip bruisingly on my hips. he certainly showed no inclination to escape. Excellent.

Up. Down.
I set an unforgiving rhythm that barely allowed him to keep up.

In. Out.
His breathing became ragged and our moans mingled together surely loud enough for my neighbours to hear.

Harder. Faster.
The bedframe slammed against the wall in time to our thrusting, adding a sense of urgency to the moment.

I felt him arch up against me and yell a final moan as he came in a hot gush.

I rolled off of him to allow him a moment to catch his breath. There was no way I was letting him leave yet. I was just getting started.

Caught Looking.

I worked in a terrible area of town. It’s ridiculous when you can actually point to your customers and say “he’s a pimp” “he’s a drug dealer” “I think he might be a hitman because he told me he was a ‘cleaner’ once…”

The customers were lewd and noisy and often drunk. I just kept my head down, tried to be friendly to those who weren’t offensive to me that day and got through it the best way I could.

They asked me out. A lot. Or they asked about my boyfriend. My sex life. One even offered to make me his “kept woman.” Anything to make me uncomfortable. I was young and shy and didn’t know how to handle this little slice of my reality.

Sometimes they got angry and threatening. Once a guy went for my throat. Once a guy told me he would be waiting for me at the end of my shift because “you have to leave sometime.”

There was one guy named “Carrot.” No, that’s not a blog code name. That’s actually what I knew him as. Perhaps his birth certificate had something even worse on it. Like Parsnip. I don’t know.

Carrot was moody. He could be cheerful and laughing one day. Another day he would be profane and abusive. One day he swore at me so much I said that I wouldn’t serve him anymore and he would have to take his business elsewhere. I was the only one working, he had no choice but to leave.

But other times Carrot would make suggestive comments to me. Ask me out. Talk about sex.

Then one day I happened to glance down. It wasn’t voluntary, and I don’t know why it happened. But glace down I did. Right at his crotch.

And he saw it. And I think it amused him.
No, I know it amused him. He immediately called me out on it. Asked me what I was doing staring at his cock.

I tried to play it off like I didn’t know what he was talking about, and denied it of course.

But I knew it happened. And he knew it happened. And he and I both knew that the other knew it happened.

He would occasionally bring it up. Until the incident when I kicked him out. I guess after that we weren’t “friends” anymore. And if we’re not friends, then I don’t deserve to be teased about staring at his package.

Yeah, that job sucked. And not in a good way. And the package? Didn’t even seem like it was worth staring at.

And the thought just occurred to me that maybe “Carrot” was supposed to be phallic. Hmm.

Wanna check out more naughty posts about people getting “caught?”
Mr B:
Ms Scarlett:

And our lovely hostess: Kimberly:

Sexperty II – Miracle Massagers

So the delightful folk over at California Exotic Novelties sent over my latest assignment, and even included two toys to compare and contrast!

The Mini Miracle Massager and the Mini Miracle Massager Wand. How lucky am I?

Here are the deets on the regular massager (right from the CalExotics website):
High intensity, ultra-powerful massager
2-speed • Ergonomic shape for ease-of-use • Spring mounted ribbed head • EZ grip handle • PP (handle) PVC (head) • 120 Volt AC • 2.5” x 2”/6 cm x 5 cm (head) • 10.5” x 2” 27 cm x 5 cm (overall)

I couldn’t find deets about the wand on the site, but I will say that it is slightly smaller, and uses 2 AA batteries, as opposed to plugging in the wall.

The CalExotics site doesn’t seem to sell the products, but I did find this on the Eden Fantasys site for $41.99.

So what did I think?
Well as per usual, if it says “massager” on it, I have to try it out as that first of all. And to my surprise, the regular massager was actually quite effective. A strong vibration that actually felt really nice on my back, neck and feet.

This toy plugs in, so you have to be near an outlet to use it, but other than that, it’s a great product. Good vibe, not too heavy, and nicely shaped for the hand.

The “wand” version is smaller and the vibe is not nearly as strong. The “massaging” function wasn’t nearly as effective. However it is waterproof, and even lighter than the larger version. And as mentioned above, it is more portable, because it takes batteries.

Now as for using it as a sex toy? I have to say – I preferred it as a massager. They both have a rather annoying “lawn mower” kind of buzzing sound which I found distracting when trying to immerse myself in my fantasy world.

And the vibe? I actually just didn’t really like it on my clit. And as you can see in the photo, it’s not really shaped for any kind of thrusting.

Care of the toy?
It’s made of plastic/pvc so:
Should be cleaned with warm- hot water and antibacterial soap.
Lube: water or silicone

Overall, I have to say that I’m pleased to have a nice new massager, but as a sex toy? Not so much.

Duchess rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

Bigger is Not Necessarily Better

The awesome folks over at Eden Fantasys were kind enough to send me a tongue to get my pink parts all hot and bothered the other day.

Now one of my top three favourite adult toys is the Mini-tongue by Lady Calston, it’s soft and I love to use it in conjunction with my favourite vibe. The pairing has never failed to lead me to a quick (or slow, depending on my mood) orgasm.

I had always felt that the mini tongue wasn’t terribly “mini”, but decided that I should try the regular tongue vibe to see what the difference was.

First off, the mundane deets:

– Jelly Material in pink (which means it’s not phthalate free).
– Uses 2 x AA batteries.
– Can go up to 5 speeds, with a switch on the base.
– Relatively odorless and tasteless (not that I intended to french kiss the thing – but you have to give a little lick just for fun, right?)
– not waterproof

While the mini-tongue mostly moves up and down, the tip of this tongue “twirls.” The toy doesn’t perform any other tricks – the five settings are essentially just a speed dial – the higher you click, the faster the tongue twirls. I’m generally a high speed kinda gal – but I found the highest level to be a bit too much twirling – I found that I liked it best around 3 or maybe 4.

Now the size? Well, I now know why the other one is called “mini.” This tongue is 4″ long and 2″ wide – and I have to say – while that may be a reasonable size on an actual person’s tongue – on this toy, I found it to be laughably huge. Perhaps one loses perspective when faced with a tongue in the absence of teeth and lips etc etc?

So what did I actually think of the toy?
I have to say I’m pretty neutral on it.

It of course needs lube – because a tongue should definitely be wet.
And it did get me off…eventually.

There were a couple of things about it that turned me off. First of all – I found the whirring to be a bit too “mechanical” sounding. Regular vibes just kind of buzz – but this “whirs” and I found it to be pretty distracting.

And I found the tongue to be a bit hard. The material itself is kind of soft and smooth – but once the tongue itself was moving about between my legs- I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. While the mini tongue felt really nice- this one didn’t.

I also found it too heavy as well, and was a little alarmed when I found the base getting warm when in use for about 10 minutes or so.

Overall, I think I would say that this is an average toy. Not terrible. But not fantastic either.

Duchess rating: 2 stars out of 5.

Of Late.

I have been feeling distinctly un-sexy and un-stimulated of late.
Please forgive my absence my darlings.

A part of me feels like simply fulfilling my outstanding review obligations and closing up shop.
My lack of participation in your lives recently virtually guarantees that people would scarcely notice my disappearance.

Please know that I still do love you all and wish you many licks and orgasms…

Oh La La!

My darling Christina from sent me this absolutely bee-you-ti-ful vibe the other day.

Darlings I cannot gush enough about how positively gorgeous it is. From the packaging, to the fuzzy blindfold and fun cards included, to the pearly white colour of the toy itself. Nookii’s Ooh La La Rabbit Vibrator just begs to be given as a gift.

The deets:
– 5″ insertable shaft and 1.625″ girth.
– Requires one 9 V battery
– Phthalates free
– Made of silicone
– Clean with soapy water
– odorless and tasteless

The Good:

As I said, this toy is absolutely beautiful. I can’t say enough about how pretty it is.

And the vibes? It comes with six different settings varying from vibrating, pulsing and throbbing. You can also set it on “auto” which will cycle through all 6 settings. (For the record: my favourite, was setting #3).

The vibe is pretty strong, and the “antennae” on the clit stimulator definitely hit the spot.

There are fun little raised “nubs” on it that add a bit of extra texture and stimulation all around.

The Not as Good:
The toy is pretty loud. I wouldn’t choose it if you’re looking to be discreet.

It’s big. Really big. For me? I would say too big girth-wise. I just couldn’t quite make it thrust or penetrate. I won’t even say I couldn’t do it “comfortably” – it just didn’t happen for me. At all.

I did orgasm with it through strong clit stimulation, but I don’t think I’ll be pulling this toy out as a rule. It was just too much for me.

However, I do think it’s a great toy. Good vibe options, and beautiful. Just not right for me.
3 out of 5 stars.

Anyone want a thrice-sampled toy? I’ll be happy to send it to you- it IS gorgeous!